Regret VS. Resolve
I have regrets.
I didn’t want to. Alas, they are there. Almost every single one of them has to do with how I’ve handled my marriage and friendships.
I’ve spent the morning wondering why I’m awake and reading through all of my old blogs. I was a very encouraged guy at times…amazing how much things can change. Amazing how much things can stay the same.
I have blogs talking about the following:
Integrity… (not lying) 2 of these
Being a better friend…
Giving people bad news…
Paying more attention to my wife (realizing how easy it was to take someone for granted)…
Trusting God for my life…
Know what? Recently ALL of these have become a huge part of my life. Why? Because my marriage is falling apart…ending, I’ve had to examine my circle of friends to see if they truly even still want anything to do with me and have had to be BRUTALLY honest with everyone and myself.
This has caused me to walk into 2012 with about 6-7 solid years worth of regrets and guilt. I’ve had my heart ripped out…and I’ve fiercely clawed at other’s hearts hoping they, just for a second, feel what I feel. I’ve loved and hated…screamed and cried…stood up and came crashing down to my knees.
And you know what? After a few days of fasting and prayer I’ve realized something:
I’m going to be ok.
One other thing that reading through my blogs has told me is that God is taking care of me. For some reason He has chosen for my life to encompass all of these recent struggles. Which means I’m going to come out of this…and I’m going to be better.
I’m taking my regrets and I’m turning them into resolve. I normally hate resolutions at this time of year but I am resolving to take every area of my life that has caused me to have regrets and fix them.
I will live a life of honesty and openness. No matter the consequences.
I will trust God.
I will make my friends know I love them.
I will never take another romantic relationship for granted.
Because I, and my life, are worth it. I still have tons of things in my life to be proud of and I won’t forget that. The best years of my life are on their way. You should totally stick around to hear about them.
I will finish with a bit of scripture in case I need it next time I read this:
You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, (Psalm 30:11 NIV)
